December 11, 2006

Randomly...

In the book that I'm reading now, the author mentioned, a couple times, that you could tell if someone just lost the person they love. Because they have this raw look. They look raw.

There was this one whole semester in uni, the semester that I got to know Eugene (because we talked about it and he said the way I looked then formed his first impression of me that turned out to be quite different as we got to know each other as good friends) when I turned up for lectures and tutorials with black eyeliner-ed eyes, big silver loop earrings and foundation-covered face. The foundation, honestly, was a shade too fair. I must have looked like Snow White then. With black eyeliner. That was the semester immediately after my... erm, 3rd break up with Desmond.

I tried that look again, in my room, some two years ago. I didn't step out of my house looking like that ever again. Black eyeliner, I still like to use, for that deeper-set-eyes effect. I just couldn't wear the big silver loop earrings again. It just didn't make me look like me.

I wear make up so much more nowadays. Even when I'm really just going for a 1-hour tuition. Greyish-purple eyeshadow if I feel like just being subtle. Longer-lasting green eyeshadow if I feel bold. Pastel coloured eyeshadow (haha, psatel purple or pastel green) if I just wanted to brighten up my eyes. Black or dark brown eyeliner if I wanted to feel a little more eurasian (deeper-set-eyes effect). And always, light foundation and blusher.

I've never really thought about the reason why I tend to be more conscientious in make-up following a break up till this afternoon, while reading the book on the mrt ride. Perhaps, it's my way of masking my already expression-disinclined face. To make myself look more, I don't know, normal and acceptable?

I feel like subtle tomorrow.

xxx

Everytime I visit someone, a friend, a member of the family or a relative at the hospital, I always imagine how painful it must be to have thick needles poking into your veins and being hooked up to all those tubes.

I (touch wood) have never been admitted to a hospital ever since my parents brought me home from Mt Alvernia. My only (horrifying) memory of needles and syringes was the time when I had to go for this medical check up for insurance. It was at a RMG clinic. The doctor was concerned that my (under) weight has been ever so consistent. She was concerned that something's wrong with my thyroid. So, I had to give her what I thought was a large amount of blood drawn from my left arm.

I just stared at how the syringe filled up with my blood as she pulled the plunger. It felt surreal. Like, 'are you sure it's my blood? Am I going to faint?' I remember wondering if my body's gonna be able to reproduce the amount that she so conveniently drew out. And then, imagining how if the body was a container of blood, my blood-mark just dropped substantially.

Urgh. I don't like what's coming to mind now as I blog about this. So, that's it. Take care, Jancy. Keep healthy. And may that good luck keep following me.

Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 21:37